Hm. [Suletta thinks of some of the elders on Mercury, how most had no love for her or her mother, but the men seemed to be most vocal in their dislike.
The memory is an unpleasant one, and luckily what Miorine says distracts her from it.]
Really? Ehe… [Sheepishly, Suletta rubs at the back of her head. The compliment was sparse, but from Miorine it was high praise. It didn’t take much to please Suletta, anyway.] I’m happy it worked. He was, [a pause, as she tries to work out an insult that was not too biting.] pushy. He was making you uncomfortable.
[She had been able to tell this. After spending so much time with Miorine, she was realizing that her moods, normally so impenetrable, were beginning to make sense the more time she observed. So she had seen the way Miorine’s shoulders jumped so slightly when the man touched her, and had felt not panic but something else. A bristling irritation — didn’t he see that she didn’t like that?]
[ Whatever ire Suletta had avoided Miorine delivers tenfold. She pulls away just slightly, enough so that she is maintaining her own balance again. Miorine lathers soap between her hands and keeps her gaze above Suletta's shoulders in an effort to avoid ruining whatever progress had been made in the way of soothed nerves. ]
Here, I'll get your back too.
[ Suletta's shoulders are broader than she realizes, well worked muscles hidden beneath soft tan skin. Freakish stamina aside it made sense she was strong, working a mobile suit was hardly for the weak, especially one of Aerial's caliber.
She has to stand on her toes to reach Suletta's shoulders and when she notices just how taut those muscles are she can't help but firmly work her fingertips against the muscle. ]
Figures, you carry all your tension in your shoulders. You need to relax more you know.
[ A case of the pot calling the kettle black if there ever was one. ]
[Physical contact had been commonplace between them from the start, though it had been largely comprised of Miorine flicking her in the forehead, or something similar. This sort of intimacy is newer, however, and she is torn between enjoying it and feeling slightly guilty about it. Things like this from Miorine seemed rare a precious, though by now she's noticed that she got preferential treatment in the matter.
(Understatement of the year.)
For now, her shoulders hunch reflexively before she remembers to relax. Miorine's hands are firm and confident, working away stiffness she hadn't even realized that she was carrying. Her closeness flusters Suletta, who feels clumsy and unsteady, worried that she would do something to cause it to end prematurely.]
You don't relax either. When you're not sleeping, you work all the time. So I thought.... I should work that hard too, so that I could help you.
[ Suletta is more observant than she gives her credit for. It had been a bit condescending of Miorine to assume she didn't notice things if they didn't threaten her internal world in any way. She realizes she may be no better or worse than the others for internally undermining whatever sense of responsibility Suletta felt toward her- not just out of duty, but affection.
And for that reason she offers an apology in the way of this concession: ]
Your list- what's something on that would be relaxing?
[ Her hands move more central, both working in tandem to get the muscles closer to Suletta's neck. She has a comment about how Suletta's slouching has contributed to her poor posture brewing but she bites it down for now.
Miorine's hands come to rest around the base of Suletta's neck, grasping lightly- liek a threat. ]
We'll do it. It'll be good for both of us and it'll be productive.
[Miorine's hands move over her skin, fingers working away all the kinks and knots at the base of her neck. An odd feeling comes over her as a result: an intermingling of discomfort and sleepy pleasure. Suletta's head lolls before she shakes herself back into semi-alertness.]
Mm?
[It's a miracle among miracles. She seems relaxed, which was almost unheard of in their day to day.] Ah... [a little yawn that she covers with her mouth automatically before beginning to count off the ideas on her fingers.] All sorts of things. Going to the movies with a friend, having a sleepover, [Her voice drifts off before she finds her train of thought again.] going swimming...
[ She says definitively, sealing the promise by squeezing Suletta's neck.
The warmth of the water and the way the alcohol muddles her senses commingle quite nicely, and Miorine finds herself less concerned with the things she might usually work herself up over; things like personal space, composure, and holding herself up.
Almost suddenly, she falls forward some, leaning fully against Suletta. Miorine buries her face against Suletta. The words are muffled and barely audible over the water. ]
I haven't been to the beach in forever. We could go to a pool.. but it wouldn't be the same.
[ Suletta is soft, comfortable despite the lanky bones and covert muscle. She's realized this before, but this is the first time it's really registered in a slow lingering way. ]
I've never seen the beach, not really. But my mom and dad took me to one of those simulated tourist attractions with the fake waves— the ceiling is completely made of screens and they look so real you almost think you're looking at the sun.
[The warmth of the water and the careful work of Miorine’s hands make her relax gradually, her breathing slowing, drifting in and out of semi-awareness. It’s the reminder that Miorine is leaning on her for support that keeps her upright, and so when she rests against her, Suletta doesn’t tense. Instead her shoulders dip some; she smiles. It made sense that Miorine would have been swimming, already — it seemed that Suletta was forever catching up with these things that others had done so much of already. The thought doesn’t sting as it usually does, though. Instead, without thinking, she says:]
It sounds amazing! Mm, there’s nothing like that on Mercury. Most of what I’ve seen of beaches have been in books, or videos… [She turns to glance at Miorine, her brow crinkling in amusement when she realizes that she can’t.] Can you hear it? Oh! [Her hands almost fan out in excitement before she remembers where they are.] I wonder if it smells the same too.
The sounds were easy and the foggy heat of the shower is a tropical climate when she's already warm from the booze. Miorine allows herself the luxury of quietly falling into the optimism of Suletta's imagination. ]
Don't get so excited. You can't go into moving water until you at least learn to float on still water.
[ Miorine sleepily rubs her face against Suletta's back and gets the slightest taste of salt. ]
I have some free time coming up. It's not much but I think it'll align with the school's seasonal closure. We'll plan for something then.
[ And without so much as another word she opens the shower door. Cold air rushes in and the steam flows out. Miorine doesn't bother with a towel and drips water with every step she takes out of the bathroom. ]
I'll practice! I'll do my best. [She's fired up now, eager for these hypothetical swimming lessons.
The cold shocks her out of her pleasant reverie, and she yelps, ineffectually trying to cover herself with her hands. Miorine's halfway out of the bathroom before Suletta manages to scramble out of the shower, grabbing a towel so fast that the bar holding it spins rapidly before going still again.
Suletta wraps herself in it, holding white-knuckled onto it with one hand, grabbing a second towel with the other. There's little puddles of water all over thanks to Miorine, and in her haste she very nearly slips.
She approaches Miorine with the caution of approaching a wild animal, gently draping the extra towel over her shoulders. This done, she breathes out in a relieved sigh, having set the universe right again.]
[ Miorine looks like a skittish prey animal. She stops in the middle of her trek back to the bed, admittedly cold and wet. She casts a look at Suletta from over her shoulder and it's difficult to tell if she might attack or run away.
In the end she allows her to approach. ]
You know that theory was disproved forever ago.
[ But still, she does not deny the warmth and gives Suletta some peace of mind. Somehow these things have become more important than being right.
With the towel around her she's at least covered up now. Miorine bypasses her half gutted mess of a suitcase and heads straight for bed. She pulls the towel away once under the duvet and lazily dries the water from her hair.
Her vision is in and out obscured from the towel and her own split focus- she thinks about all the things she has done, what she has left to do, meetings tomorrow and meetings that have passed. And then, she looks at Suletta, finding those thoughts beginning to slow. ]
You have long legs.
[ It's a thought from her stream of conscious that manages to slip from her brain and through her mouth. ]
[Suletta has also learned the art of allowing some of Miorine's griping to roll off her back, which she does with the correction. She is also distracted, still working her way through this intimacy. Normally, she would get dressed and undressed in private, not wanting to intrude on Miorine's space. Tonight, though... she thinks it wouldn't make any sense. Moreover, she thinks it might offend her, which would be even worse than any temporary bashfulness.
She hustles to her own suitcase without looking at anything in particular, crouching beside it to find her pajamas. Her hair is still wet; the towel dips just slightly. Her gaze has the sharp focus that came over her when she was piloting: when something had her singular attention. This lasts long enough for her to find her pajama bottoms, and then Miorine's comment makes her lose her train of thought.]
Eh?
[She looks up, blinking owlishly, still holding half of her pajamas.] Really? ... Thank you.
[A sheepish smile follows this — she'd never thought about her legs with any amount of depth, save the times she would see someone in a pretty dress or skirt and imagine wearing it. With their uniforms, there was never much opportunity for it — impractical by any measure. The compliment pleases her, warms her. She twists her clothing between her hands. Suddenly, she is aware of the weight of Miorine's stare, like a sunbeam aimed directly at her, enough to make her skin tingle. Her breath catches. She quickly turns her attention back to her suitcase, finding her top. For a while she is silent, mulling over something.
Finally, hesitantly, without looking up again, she speaks up.] It means a lot from you because... because you're so pretty.
[ She would be stupid not to notice the way Suletta views herself: folding her limbs as close to her body as possible like a skittish turtle, always trying to be smaller and always too aware of how she occupied space. Miorine seldom gives compliments, and when she does they're often delivered in a way that's hard to decipher- accolades from Miorine often took a neutral or even borderline negative tone. ]
Nothing about how I look has anything to do with you. It's a just a fact- you're as tall as a model and have good proportions. There are women who spend every single day exercising to look like you. Anyway- hand me my pajamas. They're on the floor by your foot.
[ Case in point: even her empathy often sounded dismissive or rude. In reality she wants Suletta to know her good traits have nothing to do with her perception of anyone else. ]
You know.. you don't have to do that stuff. I know you're not really into women and I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to. I can't promise I won't take my clothes off in front of you again, though.
[The response is characteristic of Miorine. Sharp and no-nonsense, more an admonishment than a compliment. Suletta is grateful her gaze is lowered, because it gives her a second to collect herself. She goes very still, all of a sudden — she pictures being inside of Aerial's cockpit, doing nothing, just talking in their usual way. Suletta could almost tell what Aerial would say before her displays lit up. How simple it was. Effortless.
This, though. She could not make sense of what Miorine was saying — how her words clashed with her sentiment. But... if she stayed quiet like this, Miorine would think she had done something wrong, and it wasn't that she'd done anything wrong.
Wasn't it?
It was the same as always, so she shouldn't feel bothered by it. It wouldn't be fair to hold that against her.]
Miorine...
[She says, after a long pause. She takes a deep breath, remembers being scolded by Miorine about her posture, and straightens up as if she'd just heard her yell at her to do so in her head (she had.) She looks Miorine in the eye, her gaze more somber than it ever has been.
She's gone very red.] ... Do you think that I'm pretty? [Her mouth twitches; her hands twist anxiously in her lap.] If... if you do, then, pl-please just say that!
[Her nerves get the better of her, and her hands fly up to cover her mouth. She looks mortified.
[ It isn't the first time Suletta has surprised her, but the it is the first time she's stood up for herself over something like this. Miorine had always assumed (and that was the problem between the two of them, they both loved to assume) being acknowledged by her in such a way didn't really matter to Suletta- at least not outside of being validated by someone who she thought was aspirational.
For a second all she can do is sit there, slack jawed, drowning in her hotel towel. ]
[ Finally, she answers- straight forward and without wavering. ]
I do. I've thought that since the first day I met you.
[ She still remembers so vividly being angrily pulled into Aerial's cockpit. Even despite her anger and frustration Miorine had taken time to notice the clear green eyes staring back at her; immediately, she'd thought of a pair of emerald earrings her mother once owned.
There were other things too: how slender her neck was, her hair so vibrant and silky, even the way she carried herself- all her touches as light as could be despite what a warrior she was in battle. ]
But you have to believe it yourself. It doesn't matter how many times I say it if you don't start taking more pride in who you are.
[ It's something she believes wholeheartedly, but it's also a way for her to turn attention away from how embarrassed she is. ]
[Wide eyed and expecting to be yelled at, it takes her a second to process what Miorine's just said. That she did find her pretty, that she'd felt that way since the moment they'd first met. And it's so uncanny, to imagine — that the same time she'd been so fascinated with Miorine, that Miorine had been fascinated by someone like her too.]
Imsosorry!
[It comes out muffled behind her hands before she reaches to grab Miorine's pajamas, and then at last slowly stands from her crouched position. Her knees ache from sitting so long while closed in on herself. Her expression is hard to read as she hands Miorine her clothing in silence.
Then she sits beside her on the bed, head slumped. She rubs at her temples. She seems a little older for a moment, a little more settled. The way she looked often, when alone inside of Aerial: somber and focused.]
I'm not like you.
[She says this after a delay.] No one... no one has ever called me pretty.
[Her hands anxiously twist, and she takes a deep breath.] On Mercury... we weren't welcome. No one liked me, or mom. They didn't want us around. They weren't like... like the people here. No one smiled. No one said thank you. So Aerial and I, we worked really hard! Mom too. All the time — we never saw each other.
[She looks up, stares ahead at nothing. It seems to calm her, to say these things while imagining that Miorine wasn't there, that she was in Aerial instead.] No matter how hard I tried, it didn't change. When Mom asked me if I wanted to go to school, I was so excited! [She brings her hands together, smiling at last, at this memory. ] I'd... only read about school, or watched shows about it.
[Her smile gradually fades. Her expression takes on that eerie somberness again.]
I thought... if... if I could help build a school on Mercury, then they would like me and Mom, and Aerial. But sometimes... I can't believe that.
[It's a shameful admission. Her face crumples at it, at how mean-spirited and dismal a thought it was, that she couldn't just make it go away.]
[ Miorine watches Suletta from her periphery for as long as she can before fabric obscures her vision. She doesn't expect the dull ache that seeps into her stomach and travels up to her throat when Suletta admits these things that Miorine had always known but finds especially hard to stomach today.
Neither of them talked about themselves much, for reasons that were different and for some reasons that were likely the same. She looks up at the ceiling too, somewhat resigned. ]
Do you think someone as pigheaded as Guel would like you if you weren't pretty? He's hardly interested in charity.
[ There's some annoyance there, very much audible in her voice. But it's mostly a distraction from the hurt she feels on Suletta's behalf, somehow more frustration than her own. At least when it came to her own self-imposed misery she could do something about it.
It was harder to undo years of misery imposed on another.
Miorine falls against the pillows behind her, she's small enough that she sinks into the cracks threatening to be eaten alive by down feathers and Egyptian cotton. ]
I didn't have any friends before you. I was just.. this thing, passed around like a trophy- like a lottery ticket. With every duel Guel won I just, I wanted to disappear. Every time one of my escape plans got ruined there was a part of me that wished I didn't exist. What point was there in being brought into the world by your parents if they were just going to treat you like a thing?
[ Even Shaddiq, for all his smiles and the charity of his free time had left her to her own devices and the whims of her Holders. Whatever she was, she was just a means to an end- never a person. ]
You were the reason I have any pride in who I am now- you're the first person who cared enough to fight for me, even if it was for Aerial's sake. So don't tell me you're not like me. I get mad at you because I get it.
[Suletta doesn't look up until she's sure that Miorine can't see her, surrounded as she is by pillows and blankets. She turns the full weight of her gaze on her then: quietly listening as she always did, absorbing her words and measuring them in her head against her own confessions. For someone as unremarkable as her, the lack of a support system, friends to talk to — that seemed a foregone conclusion. To have them now seemed too great a gift for her. But for Miorine, who shone, who had stood in front of a crowd and rescued her, and Aerial too, it was unimaginably depressing to picture.
She becomes frustrated at herself all of a sudden: her fear and anxiety. Her expression resolves itself into sternness, and she lets the towel slip off and away. Then she burrows her way under the covers to face Miorine, and she takes her hands in her own.
To be brought into the world and treated like a thing. The words do not pass over her. Instead they burrow in deeply, waiting to be unearthed at another time. For now, she rubs warmth into Miorine's hands.]
Your hands are cold.
[She explains.] You get cold easily so y... you should always use a towel after a shower. And dry your hair right away.
Your favorite color is blue, and you're always messy because you have so much to do, so... so I like cleaning up for you, even if it's annoying. You eat too many instant noodles. You don't like it when I don't send you messages, so I always remember to send three a day. You're good at almost everything, but, um... you drive scooters too fast, and, you can't run for a long time, so I- I slow down sometimes, so that you won't have to walk so much. You want to go to Earth more than anything.
[There is a long pause after this. Her gaze stays fixed on their clasped hands. Her breathing, for once, is calm.]
[ In a rare instance Miorine looks like a deer caught in headlights. She watches with abject shock as Suletta strips free of her towel and burrows herself into the bed. She is rarely this bold, and while Miorine has encouraged her to take initiative in more ways than one she does not expect any of this especially not so soon.
Her ears are red before Suletta even finishes her list of oddly intimate details. So many of them are things Miorine hadn't even noticed about herself. Hearing them from Suletta is even stranger still.
By the time she confesses all of this her face is even redder than before, already warm and pink from the alcohol. She doesn't let go of Suletta's hand- noticing now just how cold her own hands are. But still, she doesn't take to feeling embarrassed well. Miorne squeezes Suletta's hands, hard enough to be uncomfortable. ]
Maybe I can run for a normal amount of time and you're the weirdo with the Olympic stamina.
[ She pushes against Suletta's palms, still not letting go but trying to bully her to the edge of the bed. The sentiment is a bit like when you overstimulate a cat with affection- it brings out the playful, intrinsic urge to bite and scratch. ]
[It comes out as a protesting whine. Miorine pushes against her hands, but she's the bigger and stronger of the two of them, and for once seems to be aware of that. She doesn't push back; she's much too timid for that. She holds her ground though, letting Miorine, red-faced and irritable, push at her to no avail. It's funny, a little uncanny, to see how hard she's working, and how little effort it takes to keep her at bay.]
Sorry, sorry, but it's true... [Not sure if Miorine is seriously angry or not, not registering that someone like Miorine was even capable of being embarrassed about something she said, she tries to explain. The easier thing to do would be to let go of her hands and let her fall into the pillows again, but they're still too cold for her to feel at ease.] Maybe it's because my legs are long, like you said? E-even when we're only walking down a hallway...
[She mumbles out the last sentence, barely paying attention to Miorine's attempts to push at her.] It's okay. I don't mind slowing down, really!
[ All of this is even more embarrassing than being charmed by Suletta's careless kindness. But at this juncture she's too deep in this to just back off. Miorine pushes and pushes (to no avail) until she's wheezing and worked up a sweat.
Her grip relaxes and her fingers fall slack against Suletta's. They're certainly warm now. ]
Don't apologize for something you chose to do-
[ Again, there is a delay between her mouth and her brain. Her head remembers that Suletta asked (with eyes like a skittish doe) her to be more direct. Her mouth half blurts it out in the same moment.
Miorine pulls her hands away and finally lets herself sink into the bed. She frowns like a child who's been up for too long: it's a look of half-agony and half-anger. ]
I'm tired..
[ Tired of pushing back and tired of schmoozing old men. Miorine's arms snake up and around Suletta and her legs find their way around hers. She conquers any part of Suletta that can offer her skin to skin contact; it was something she'd been deprived of for so much of her life and rarely felt fragile (vulnerable) enough to seek out. Tonight she was stupid and indulgent.
She presses her face against Suletta's chest, grateful for the closeness and tired again from pretending she didn't want it. It was nice to have company so often. ]
Tell me about some of the other stuff on your list.
[It had been her hope that Miorine would lose steam. She's still sorry to see it, nonetheless, and she looks on, concerned, thinking about apologizing again even though she'd been told not to.
Then she's being embraced, and she forgets about anything at all. They are so close that she almost forgets to breathe. Miorine's skin is slightly damp from exertion; it sticks to her own in a way that should be unpleasant, but instead makes Suletta feel very warm. Miorine's warm too, from her doomed wrestling match, flushed enough for her to look again like she had in the shower, the faintest hint of pink along her slim shoulders. She can feel her heartbeat. Suletta has never been this close to anyone else in her life. Not even Aerial.
She swallows, visibly. Remembers another fact about Miorine, a hunch before this: that she seemed to enjoy it, to be hugged. Or to simply have her around — irritable when she wasn't in arm's reach. How much sleep she missed. Suletta's heart is a nervous jackhammer in her chest, but when she embraces Miorine, it gradually begins to slow. She begins to relax.
Miorine wanting to know the things on her list makes her smile, not nervous or sheepish, but fond. Still, it takes her a moment to think of something.]
Mm, this one, it's silly. [Her voice is barely above a whisper. Miorine was tired, and it wouldn't do to be so loud.] ... There are old movies, and people dance in them. The man spins the woman around, and it's so pretty. Have you seen them? I want to go to a school dance and learn how to dance that way.
[ Miorine can hear the echo of Suletta's heart, beating against the hollow spaces in her chest. It smoothes away the sharpest parts of her bashfulness and gradually she grows more and more relaxed in Suletta's embrace, she melts into her.
It is silly, but it's very Suletta- romanticizing a kind of love and a kind of experience that no longer existed. The world they lived in was devoid of organic things, monochromatic and based on cooperate cooperation not love that made you dance in the rain. She doesn't say any of that though and instead lets herself smile against Suletta's skin. ]
I fell asleep during one once, I'm not into girly things like you. [ The Earth house girl had invited her to watch movies with them one night a few weeks ago. However, when she found out the theme for the night was romcoms she was grateful she had work to do. ]
The school has one every year before winter break- but it's mostly an excuse for the seniors to drink. And no one dances like that. It's just a lot of shaking against each other.
Huh? Girly? Is it really girly? [She had not considered this — did boys not like to dance? She supposes that could be so. She tries to imagine dancing with any of her classmates, and flushes red.
The news of this — that it wasn't nearly as exciting or romantic as she thought — makes Suletta's face fall comically.] Really? That's all? [It's hard to stay upset though, with the way she and Miorine are pressed so close together. It's funny. Even imagining this a few hours ago would have made her have a panic attack, too embarrassing to even consider the thought. But it's oddly relaxing, oddly soothing, to be in Miorine's arms like this. It makes her feel safe, like there were no real mistakes to be made, at least right now. It's warm too. Suletta's eyelids droop a little.]
Even so... I still want to try dancing, just once.
[ She can't see Suletta's face but her mind has already drawn up the melodramatic, pained and embarrassed expression she must be wearing. Miorine laughs softly. ]
That's all, sorry to burst your bubble. Better I tell you now.
[ Miorine is almost lulled to sleep by the pleasant din of Suletta's voice, her arm is a comforting weight draped across her body. Again the synapses in her brain light and spark, struggle to travel through that networks that get her to move and act.
She sits up suddenly, just when on the cusp of sleep. Miorine climbs out of bed and begins rifling through her suitcase like a madwoman, looking for her tallest heels. ]
Get up. I'm going to teach you. You want to be ready for when it happens, don't you?
[ Miorine finds a pair of stilettos (they're too tall and too flashy for corporate gatherings but some hopeful part of her always absentmindedly threw it into her suitcase) and slips them on. She motions to Suletta. ]
Come here- I'll lead so just do what I tell you to.
[ Even in her tallest heels there's a quite a few inches between them, but at least not so many that Suletta will have to crouch. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-01-11 09:33 pm (UTC)The memory is an unpleasant one, and luckily what Miorine says distracts her from it.]
Really? Ehe… [Sheepishly, Suletta rubs at the back of her head. The compliment was sparse, but from Miorine it was high praise. It didn’t take much to please Suletta, anyway.] I’m happy it worked. He was, [a pause, as she tries to work out an insult that was not too biting.] pushy. He was making you uncomfortable.
[She had been able to tell this. After spending so much time with Miorine, she was realizing that her moods, normally so impenetrable, were beginning to make sense the more time she observed. So she had seen the way Miorine’s shoulders jumped so slightly when the man touched her, and had felt not panic but something else. A bristling irritation — didn’t he see that she didn’t like that?]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-11 09:54 pm (UTC)[ Whatever ire Suletta had avoided Miorine delivers tenfold. She pulls away just slightly, enough so that she is maintaining her own balance again. Miorine lathers soap between her hands and keeps her gaze above Suletta's shoulders in an effort to avoid ruining whatever progress had been made in the way of soothed nerves. ]
Here, I'll get your back too.
[ Suletta's shoulders are broader than she realizes, well worked muscles hidden beneath soft tan skin. Freakish stamina aside it made sense she was strong, working a mobile suit was hardly for the weak, especially one of Aerial's caliber.
She has to stand on her toes to reach Suletta's shoulders and when she notices just how taut those muscles are she can't help but firmly work her fingertips against the muscle. ]
Figures, you carry all your tension in your shoulders. You need to relax more you know.
[ A case of the pot calling the kettle black if there ever was one. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-12 01:24 am (UTC)(Understatement of the year.)
For now, her shoulders hunch reflexively before she remembers to relax. Miorine's hands are firm and confident, working away stiffness she hadn't even realized that she was carrying. Her closeness flusters Suletta, who feels clumsy and unsteady, worried that she would do something to cause it to end prematurely.]
You don't relax either. When you're not sleeping, you work all the time. So I thought.... I should work that hard too, so that I could help you.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-13 02:44 pm (UTC)And for that reason she offers an apology in the way of this concession: ]
Your list- what's something on that would be relaxing?
[ Her hands move more central, both working in tandem to get the muscles closer to Suletta's neck. She has a comment about how Suletta's slouching has contributed to her poor posture brewing but she bites it down for now.
Miorine's hands come to rest around the base of Suletta's neck, grasping lightly- liek a threat. ]
We'll do it. It'll be good for both of us and it'll be productive.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-06 07:20 am (UTC)Mm?
[It's a miracle among miracles. She seems relaxed, which was almost unheard of in their day to day.] Ah... [a little yawn that she covers with her mouth automatically before beginning to count off the ideas on her fingers.] All sorts of things. Going to the movies with a friend, having a sleepover, [Her voice drifts off before she finds her train of thought again.] going swimming...
no subject
Date: 2023-03-04 02:20 am (UTC)[ She says definitively, sealing the promise by squeezing Suletta's neck.
The warmth of the water and the way the alcohol muddles her senses commingle quite nicely, and Miorine finds herself less concerned with the things she might usually work herself up over; things like personal space, composure, and holding herself up.
Almost suddenly, she falls forward some, leaning fully against Suletta. Miorine buries her face against Suletta. The words are muffled and barely audible over the water. ]
I haven't been to the beach in forever. We could go to a pool.. but it wouldn't be the same.
[ Suletta is soft, comfortable despite the lanky bones and covert muscle. She's realized this before, but this is the first time it's really registered in a slow lingering way. ]
I've never seen the beach, not really. But my mom and dad took me to one of those simulated tourist attractions with the fake waves— the ceiling is completely made of screens and they look so real you almost think you're looking at the sun.
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Date: 2023-03-04 05:41 am (UTC)It sounds amazing! Mm, there’s nothing like that on Mercury. Most of what I’ve seen of beaches have been in books, or videos… [She turns to glance at Miorine, her brow crinkling in amusement when she realizes that she can’t.] Can you hear it? Oh! [Her hands almost fan out in excitement before she remembers where they are.] I wonder if it smells the same too.
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Date: 2023-05-29 09:33 pm (UTC)The sounds were easy and the foggy heat of the shower is a tropical climate when she's already warm from the booze. Miorine allows herself the luxury of quietly falling into the optimism of Suletta's imagination. ]
Don't get so excited. You can't go into moving water until you at least learn to float on still water.
[ Miorine sleepily rubs her face against Suletta's back and gets the slightest taste of salt. ]
I have some free time coming up. It's not much but I think it'll align with the school's seasonal closure. We'll plan for something then.
[ And without so much as another word she opens the shower door. Cold air rushes in and the steam flows out. Miorine doesn't bother with a towel and drips water with every step she takes out of the bathroom. ]
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Date: 2023-05-29 10:24 pm (UTC)The cold shocks her out of her pleasant reverie, and she yelps, ineffectually trying to cover herself with her hands. Miorine's halfway out of the bathroom before Suletta manages to scramble out of the shower, grabbing a towel so fast that the bar holding it spins rapidly before going still again.
Suletta wraps herself in it, holding white-knuckled onto it with one hand, grabbing a second towel with the other. There's little puddles of water all over thanks to Miorine, and in her haste she very nearly slips.
She approaches Miorine with the caution of approaching a wild animal, gently draping the extra towel over her shoulders. This done, she breathes out in a relieved sigh, having set the universe right again.]
You'll catch a cold.
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Date: 2023-05-30 01:21 am (UTC)In the end she allows her to approach. ]
You know that theory was disproved forever ago.
[ But still, she does not deny the warmth and gives Suletta some peace of mind. Somehow these things have become more important than being right.
With the towel around her she's at least covered up now. Miorine bypasses her half gutted mess of a suitcase and heads straight for bed. She pulls the towel away once under the duvet and lazily dries the water from her hair.
Her vision is in and out obscured from the towel and her own split focus- she thinks about all the things she has done, what she has left to do, meetings tomorrow and meetings that have passed. And then, she looks at Suletta, finding those thoughts beginning to slow. ]
You have long legs.
[ It's a thought from her stream of conscious that manages to slip from her brain and through her mouth. ]
You're lucky.
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Date: 2023-05-30 03:58 am (UTC)She hustles to her own suitcase without looking at anything in particular, crouching beside it to find her pajamas. Her hair is still wet; the towel dips just slightly. Her gaze has the sharp focus that came over her when she was piloting: when something had her singular attention. This lasts long enough for her to find her pajama bottoms, and then Miorine's comment makes her lose her train of thought.]
Eh?
[She looks up, blinking owlishly, still holding half of her pajamas.] Really? ... Thank you.
[A sheepish smile follows this — she'd never thought about her legs with any amount of depth, save the times she would see someone in a pretty dress or skirt and imagine wearing it. With their uniforms, there was never much opportunity for it — impractical by any measure. The compliment pleases her, warms her. She twists her clothing between her hands. Suddenly, she is aware of the weight of Miorine's stare, like a sunbeam aimed directly at her, enough to make her skin tingle. Her breath catches. She quickly turns her attention back to her suitcase, finding her top. For a while she is silent, mulling over something.
Finally, hesitantly, without looking up again, she speaks up.] It means a lot from you because... because you're so pretty.
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Date: 2023-05-31 12:22 am (UTC)Nothing about how I look has anything to do with you. It's a just a fact- you're as tall as a model and have good proportions. There are women who spend every single day exercising to look like you. Anyway- hand me my pajamas. They're on the floor by your foot.
[ Case in point: even her empathy often sounded dismissive or rude. In reality she wants Suletta to know her good traits have nothing to do with her perception of anyone else. ]
You know.. you don't have to do that stuff. I know you're not really into women and I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to. I can't promise I won't take my clothes off in front of you again, though.
[ When she was drunk all bets were off. ]
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Date: 2023-05-31 04:47 am (UTC)This, though. She could not make sense of what Miorine was saying — how her words clashed with her sentiment. But... if she stayed quiet like this, Miorine would think she had done something wrong, and it wasn't that she'd done anything wrong.
Wasn't it?
It was the same as always, so she shouldn't feel bothered by it. It wouldn't be fair to hold that against her.]
Miorine...
[She says, after a long pause. She takes a deep breath, remembers being scolded by Miorine about her posture, and straightens up as if she'd just heard her yell at her to do so in her head (she had.) She looks Miorine in the eye, her gaze more somber than it ever has been.
She's gone very red.] ... Do you think that I'm pretty? [Her mouth twitches; her hands twist anxiously in her lap.] If... if you do, then, pl-please just say that!
[Her nerves get the better of her, and her hands fly up to cover her mouth. She looks mortified.
She nudges Miorine's pajamas over with her foot.]
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Date: 2023-05-31 05:09 pm (UTC)For a second all she can do is sit there, slack jawed, drowning in her hotel towel. ]
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Date: 2023-05-31 05:15 pm (UTC)I do. I've thought that since the first day I met you.
[ She still remembers so vividly being angrily pulled into Aerial's cockpit. Even despite her anger and frustration Miorine had taken time to notice the clear green eyes staring back at her; immediately, she'd thought of a pair of emerald earrings her mother once owned.
There were other things too: how slender her neck was, her hair so vibrant and silky, even the way she carried herself- all her touches as light as could be despite what a warrior she was in battle. ]
But you have to believe it yourself. It doesn't matter how many times I say it if you don't start taking more pride in who you are.
[ It's something she believes wholeheartedly, but it's also a way for her to turn attention away from how embarrassed she is. ]
Also, don't touch my pajamas with your feet.
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Date: 2023-05-31 06:03 pm (UTC)Imsosorry!
[It comes out muffled behind her hands before she reaches to grab Miorine's pajamas, and then at last slowly stands from her crouched position. Her knees ache from sitting so long while closed in on herself. Her expression is hard to read as she hands Miorine her clothing in silence.
Then she sits beside her on the bed, head slumped. She rubs at her temples. She seems a little older for a moment, a little more settled. The way she looked often, when alone inside of Aerial: somber and focused.]
I'm not like you.
[She says this after a delay.] No one... no one has ever called me pretty.
[Her hands anxiously twist, and she takes a deep breath.] On Mercury... we weren't welcome. No one liked me, or mom. They didn't want us around. They weren't like... like the people here. No one smiled. No one said thank you. So Aerial and I, we worked really hard! Mom too. All the time — we never saw each other.
[She looks up, stares ahead at nothing. It seems to calm her, to say these things while imagining that Miorine wasn't there, that she was in Aerial instead.] No matter how hard I tried, it didn't change. When Mom asked me if I wanted to go to school, I was so excited! [She brings her hands together, smiling at last, at this memory. ] I'd... only read about school, or watched shows about it.
[Her smile gradually fades. Her expression takes on that eerie somberness again.]
I thought... if... if I could help build a school on Mercury, then they would like me and Mom, and Aerial. But sometimes... I can't believe that.
[It's a shameful admission. Her face crumples at it, at how mean-spirited and dismal a thought it was, that she couldn't just make it go away.]
That's why... it's hard, to do what you said.
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Date: 2023-05-31 06:23 pm (UTC)Neither of them talked about themselves much, for reasons that were different and for some reasons that were likely the same. She looks up at the ceiling too, somewhat resigned. ]
Do you think someone as pigheaded as Guel would like you if you weren't pretty? He's hardly interested in charity.
[ There's some annoyance there, very much audible in her voice. But it's mostly a distraction from the hurt she feels on Suletta's behalf, somehow more frustration than her own. At least when it came to her own self-imposed misery she could do something about it.
It was harder to undo years of misery imposed on another.
Miorine falls against the pillows behind her, she's small enough that she sinks into the cracks threatening to be eaten alive by down feathers and Egyptian cotton. ]
I didn't have any friends before you. I was just.. this thing, passed around like a trophy- like a lottery ticket. With every duel Guel won I just, I wanted to disappear. Every time one of my escape plans got ruined there was a part of me that wished I didn't exist. What point was there in being brought into the world by your parents if they were just going to treat you like a thing?
[ Even Shaddiq, for all his smiles and the charity of his free time had left her to her own devices and the whims of her Holders. Whatever she was, she was just a means to an end- never a person. ]
You were the reason I have any pride in who I am now- you're the first person who cared enough to fight for me, even if it was for Aerial's sake. So don't tell me you're not like me. I get mad at you because I get it.
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Date: 2023-05-31 08:30 pm (UTC)She becomes frustrated at herself all of a sudden: her fear and anxiety. Her expression resolves itself into sternness, and she lets the towel slip off and away. Then she burrows her way under the covers to face Miorine, and she takes her hands in her own.
To be brought into the world and treated like a thing. The words do not pass over her. Instead they burrow in deeply, waiting to be unearthed at another time. For now, she rubs warmth into Miorine's hands.]
Your hands are cold.
[She explains.] You get cold easily so y... you should always use a towel after a shower. And dry your hair right away.
Your favorite color is blue, and you're always messy because you have so much to do, so... so I like cleaning up for you, even if it's annoying. You eat too many instant noodles. You don't like it when I don't send you messages, so I always remember to send three a day. You're good at almost everything, but, um... you drive scooters too fast, and, you can't run for a long time, so I- I slow down sometimes, so that you won't have to walk so much. You want to go to Earth more than anything.
[There is a long pause after this. Her gaze stays fixed on their clasped hands. Her breathing, for once, is calm.]
It wasn't just for Aerial's sake.
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Date: 2023-05-31 09:54 pm (UTC)Her ears are red before Suletta even finishes her list of oddly intimate details. So many of them are things Miorine hadn't even noticed about herself. Hearing them from Suletta is even stranger still.
By the time she confesses all of this her face is even redder than before, already warm and pink from the alcohol. She doesn't let go of Suletta's hand- noticing now just how cold her own hands are. But still, she doesn't take to feeling embarrassed well. Miorne squeezes Suletta's hands, hard enough to be uncomfortable. ]
Maybe I can run for a normal amount of time and you're the weirdo with the Olympic stamina.
[ She pushes against Suletta's palms, still not letting go but trying to bully her to the edge of the bed. The sentiment is a bit like when you overstimulate a cat with affection- it brings out the playful, intrinsic urge to bite and scratch. ]
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Date: 2023-05-31 10:15 pm (UTC)[It comes out as a protesting whine. Miorine pushes against her hands, but she's the bigger and stronger of the two of them, and for once seems to be aware of that. She doesn't push back; she's much too timid for that. She holds her ground though, letting Miorine, red-faced and irritable, push at her to no avail. It's funny, a little uncanny, to see how hard she's working, and how little effort it takes to keep her at bay.]
Sorry, sorry, but it's true... [Not sure if Miorine is seriously angry or not, not registering that someone like Miorine was even capable of being embarrassed about something she said, she tries to explain. The easier thing to do would be to let go of her hands and let her fall into the pillows again, but they're still too cold for her to feel at ease.] Maybe it's because my legs are long, like you said? E-even when we're only walking down a hallway...
[She mumbles out the last sentence, barely paying attention to Miorine's attempts to push at her.] It's okay. I don't mind slowing down, really!
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Date: 2023-06-01 01:05 am (UTC)Her grip relaxes and her fingers fall slack against Suletta's. They're certainly warm now. ]
Don't apologize for something you chose to do-
[ Again, there is a delay between her mouth and her brain. Her head remembers that Suletta asked (with eyes like a skittish doe) her to be more direct. Her mouth half blurts it out in the same moment.
Miorine pulls her hands away and finally lets herself sink into the bed. She frowns like a child who's been up for too long: it's a look of half-agony and half-anger. ]
I'm tired..
[ Tired of pushing back and tired of schmoozing old men. Miorine's arms snake up and around Suletta and her legs find their way around hers. She conquers any part of Suletta that can offer her skin to skin contact; it was something she'd been deprived of for so much of her life and rarely felt fragile (vulnerable) enough to seek out. Tonight she was stupid and indulgent.
She presses her face against Suletta's chest, grateful for the closeness and tired again from pretending she didn't want it. It was nice to have company so often. ]
Tell me about some of the other stuff on your list.
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Date: 2023-06-01 02:26 am (UTC)Then she's being embraced, and she forgets about anything at all. They are so close that she almost forgets to breathe. Miorine's skin is slightly damp from exertion; it sticks to her own in a way that should be unpleasant, but instead makes Suletta feel very warm. Miorine's warm too, from her doomed wrestling match, flushed enough for her to look again like she had in the shower, the faintest hint of pink along her slim shoulders. She can feel her heartbeat. Suletta has never been this close to anyone else in her life. Not even Aerial.
She swallows, visibly. Remembers another fact about Miorine, a hunch before this: that she seemed to enjoy it, to be hugged. Or to simply have her around — irritable when she wasn't in arm's reach. How much sleep she missed. Suletta's heart is a nervous jackhammer in her chest, but when she embraces Miorine, it gradually begins to slow. She begins to relax.
Miorine wanting to know the things on her list makes her smile, not nervous or sheepish, but fond. Still, it takes her a moment to think of something.]
Mm, this one, it's silly. [Her voice is barely above a whisper. Miorine was tired, and it wouldn't do to be so loud.] ... There are old movies, and people dance in them. The man spins the woman around, and it's so pretty. Have you seen them? I want to go to a school dance and learn how to dance that way.
Have you ever been to a dance before?
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Date: 2023-06-01 03:33 am (UTC)It is silly, but it's very Suletta- romanticizing a kind of love and a kind of experience that no longer existed. The world they lived in was devoid of organic things, monochromatic and based on cooperate cooperation not love that made you dance in the rain. She doesn't say any of that though and instead lets herself smile against Suletta's skin. ]
I fell asleep during one once, I'm not into girly things like you. [ The Earth house girl had invited her to watch movies with them one night a few weeks ago. However, when she found out the theme for the night was romcoms she was grateful she had work to do. ]
The school has one every year before winter break- but it's mostly an excuse for the seniors to drink. And no one dances like that. It's just a lot of shaking against each other.
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Date: 2023-06-02 01:41 am (UTC)The news of this — that it wasn't nearly as exciting or romantic as she thought — makes Suletta's face fall comically.] Really? That's all? [It's hard to stay upset though, with the way she and Miorine are pressed so close together. It's funny. Even imagining this a few hours ago would have made her have a panic attack, too embarrassing to even consider the thought. But it's oddly relaxing, oddly soothing, to be in Miorine's arms like this. It makes her feel safe, like there were no real mistakes to be made, at least right now. It's warm too. Suletta's eyelids droop a little.]
Even so... I still want to try dancing, just once.
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Date: 2023-06-02 03:21 am (UTC)That's all, sorry to burst your bubble. Better I tell you now.
[ Miorine is almost lulled to sleep by the pleasant din of Suletta's voice, her arm is a comforting weight draped across her body. Again the synapses in her brain light and spark, struggle to travel through that networks that get her to move and act.
She sits up suddenly, just when on the cusp of sleep. Miorine climbs out of bed and begins rifling through her suitcase like a madwoman, looking for her tallest heels. ]
Get up. I'm going to teach you. You want to be ready for when it happens, don't you?
[ Miorine finds a pair of stilettos (they're too tall and too flashy for corporate gatherings but some hopeful part of her always absentmindedly threw it into her suitcase) and slips them on. She motions to Suletta. ]
Come here- I'll lead so just do what I tell you to.
[ Even in her tallest heels there's a quite a few inches between them, but at least not so many that Suletta will have to crouch. ]
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